COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

when life gets hard, as humans we naturally focus on the sufferings in front of us. i am so guilty of this. but, i want to defy the norms in life. currently, life is challenging. what better way to overcome than to count your blessings? (pst, it’s really hard to have a sour attitude when your naming the good, life-giving things in life.)

— i am alive. 

— i live in the mountains.

— i don’t have texas heat scortching my skin (hallelujah, praise the lamb)

— i am surrounded by genuine people

— i am a part of a really cool adventure

— i have the ability to draw, write, and think

— i have a place to live + a means of transportation

— i have a family who loves me and believes in me

— i have friends friends supporting me from states, even countries, away.

count your blessings, friend. life is too short not to. find the good in the bad. i promise it's there.  

SERVING GOD IS HARD

s e r v i n g  G o d  i s  h a r d.

— yes it is, when you try to do it without Him.

::

the past few weeks have been unbelievably emotionally difficult. i would be lying and sugar coating it if i said that the move to colorado has been pure bliss. truthfully it hasn’t. it has been the hardest thing i have done thus far. i know, i know, you’re probably thinking, "that is a bit dramatic madi. you need to lay off the pretty little liars." but it’s the truth. the devil has gone from jack johnson to full blown august burns red on me. SCREAMING lies in my ears. lies of inadequacy, fear, loneliness, regret, unworthiness, and self deprecation. and i listened to + believed him. *here’s where i’d personally like to tell satan to go to hell*

confession time — i have been wallowing in self pity ever since i moved to colorado. wondering “why jesus did this to me” or “why he took me away from my ‘comfortable’ life in fayetteville”. (hey madi, get over yourself.) jesus didn’t do anything to me. he didn’t force me to move from fayetteville. he didn’t pick me up by the overalls and place me in colorado springs. BUT he did call me to a higher purpose other than just living life. and that happened to include absolutely stripping me away from all things comfortable. 

i am (stubborn-ly) learning that when jesus calls you to something, he doesn’t promise it to be easy. he actually promises the opposite of that, ….yaaaaaaay. but, he promises to be there with you, literally every second of the way. he. will. not. leave. you. not even for a coffee break. crazy, i know. i still can’t believe it (!!!) 

::

i was flipping through my bible yesterday in hopes something would jump out at me when i stopped at romans (basically one big highlighter mark) chapter 5 and saw the title was, peace with God through faith. “huh” is what i thought to myself. followed by “you’ve got a sense of humor god. alright, i’ll keep reading. but only because you’re funny.” here’s what i read:

“₁therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. ₂through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God..."

now here’s the part that hit me…..

“…₃not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ₄and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ₅and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” 

“damn.” — that was the literal verbiage that came out of my mouth when i read that. (just trying to be transparent. honesty is key y’all, don’t judge) the rest of the chapter is pure gold too. don’t read it unless you want your mind blown. 

::

so here i am. stuck on that fact that i am suffering. stuck on the thought that life isn’t fun. or that this isn’t what i signed up for. NEWS FLASH MADI — you only signed up for one thing. to actively pursue jesus. to follow him to the best of your human abilities. and to accept his love and grace. when you choose to throw caution to the wind and live a life of reckless abandon with jesus, you aren’t the planner anymore. you don’t get to pick and choose what you will do and won’t do for jesus. but when you hand over that control. that's when life makes a little more sense. when you say, "jesus, i want to serve you. so i'm going to stop trying to figure everything out. it's not easy to give up control, but you didn't call me to an easy life."

life is still hard. reading that passage didn’t make my problems go away. but it did give me hope. because these present sufferings produce endurance, character, and ultimately hope. i need to cling to the hope i have in jesus christ. he’s in the middle of my suffering. he’s still very present and very much guiding me every step of the way (even when i have my heels dug in the ground). i’m thankful to serve a God who loves and pursues me even when i don’t want him to. that’s the real deal love you guys. that’s a God worth serving. 

#noreallycancerSUCKS

around august of 2014 one of my most favorite people was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of stage 4 lung cancer. my aunt pam. 

since then she has undergone many chemo treatments. she’s had many good days, full of joy and clarity, even days where she goes to work and acts like all is good and right in the world. (she’s so brave and strong) she’s also had many bad days, full of questions, tears, and her clinging to the hope of jesus. my uncle and cousins have been such amazing cheerleaders in this fight. they walk with her and love her even when she’s at her weakest. my dad is standing strong, reminding me, my aunt, and the rest of my family that there is NO POINT in sulking in this, we need to cherish each day that all of us have. my grandparents are so beautifully holding on the fact that god is good through ALL circumstances. a little back history here: my dad is a middle child. aunt pam is his little sister. michael was his older brother. when my dad was around 18-19 years old, his brother was killed in a car accident. as you can imagine, my grandparents and my dad are really taking this hard, despite their incredible strength. another child/sibling staring death right in the face. i can’t image what they are going through, just being honest and flushing out my thoughts here. 

in my 19, almost 20 years of life, i’ve never had to deal with someone so incredibly close to me look at death and fight it. never in my life have i ever been so tested in my faith in john 16:33 “these things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. in the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” not only remembering, but actively believing that even through this season of doubt and fear and anger, god is still good and that he has overcome everything. i’m not perfect, my flesh wants to be so furious that god will let this happen, but the holy spirit whispers to me, “i love you, i love your aunt, i’ve already overcome. don’t you worry child, i have a perfect, and holy plan.” then i feel like jesus kisses me on the forehead the way my dad does to comfort me, just to completely assure me that my abba father has me. 

friends, family, random internet strangers, please pray for my aunt. i believe that god can completely heal her from all cancer if it’s in his will. but if it’s not, her children and husband are going to be completely heartbroken (as are the rest of the family, but I mean, that’s her ride or dies). pray for understanding and a peace for them, especially her children, they don’t quite understand everything that’s going on. 

updates to come, in the meanwhile, lots of prayer and hashtags. 

#noreallycancerSUCKS

I AM A CHILD OF GOD

truth be told by tossing copper

“there’s nothing good within me

if i’m honest

and if i’m honest, there are times

i will try

to dress up all my darkness

and make it seem like it was light

all along

but it’s a lie

if truth be told, i’m nothing

on my own

the only thing i know for sure

is that i don’t know a thing

to be sure

if you only knew 

what i’ve been prone to do 

you’d run far and fast away

from me, oh God,

hear my plea

cause all i see 

is this darkness that is buried

within me"

wasn’t that super uplifting? (i know you’re probably thinking, “yeah right madi, that sucked and was super depressing!”)

i don’t think i’d classify it as uplifting necessarily, but i’d go with freeing.

so often we try and act like we aren’t made up of darkness, we keep it hidden by this veil that we use to mask our sinful nature to the rest of the humans who also have a sinful nature that they are masking with the same veil. now, i understand the compulsive need to have an outward apperence of, “it’s all good. i’m all good. nothing to see here folks. there’s no veil here. i’m not struggling.” i get that. i fall into that trap daily. i don’t really care to have all my junk in plain view for anyone and everyone to see. BUT jesus, calls us to release the grip on the veil. despite our scars, addictions, lack of faith, or our raging anger during 5 o’clock traffic. no matter how far you’re falling, his love will catch you. he wants you despite of everything behind your veil. i’m constantly astounded by the power and intimacy of his mercy. 

drop your veil. air out your struggles. chances are the people that surround you are dying to drop their veil too. we are sons and daughters of christ. we are a family. we are called to love each other like christ. put your fears to rest, you are a child of God, you are no longer a slave to fear. you are fighting from victory, not for it. you’ve already won through christ. you are known and held by our father. how dang freeing is that. 

throw away that veil. shred it. bury it. live in the light my friend. there’s not a more beautiful place to be. 

i love you and believe in you.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED SINCE MOVING OUT PT. 2

choosing your living situation is important.  

tithing is vital. 

alone time is okay, carve it out each week. 

buy fresh flowers. 

don’t buy more food than you need for the week. 

it’s okay to ask for help. 

life is hard, and by that i mean nothing goes as planned.

find a job that you enjoy, if you don’t it will destroy your spirit.

go ahead, splurge on that candle. 

if you think a spontaneous trip to the tattoo parlor will make you feel better, do it. 

if you get behind on laundry, your life is pretty much over. 

forgive. over and over and over and over. 

stay out late, you WILL regret the nights you don’t. 

don’t stay out so late that you’re useless for work the next morning though. 

invest with your friends, one on one. 

cook often. 

work is important, but it’s not the most important. 

i can’t stress the budget enough, you’ll likely dig yourself in a financial pit without one. 

if you want that third tattoo, GO. FOR. IT. 

enjoy every moment that is put in front of you. 

read books. if you like dragons, read about that. if you like kinfolk, read until your heart’s content. just read. 

going back to school little by little is a victory, not a sign of weakness.

INK'D AGAIN

"then peter came up and said to him, "lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and i forgive him? as many as seven times?" jesus said to him, "i do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven times." matthew 18:21-22

ink'd yet again. 

roughly 10.751 seconds after i got my first tattoo, i had the urge to get more. so, there i was, on a saturday, some two and half weeks ago, with the urge still strong, and an adventurous spirit, sitting at the tattoo parlor yet again. i had been at the market that morning with some friends when i brought up the idea of getting inked that day (i'm that friend). surprisingly they all played around with the idea while we walked around the square, sipped our coffee, and tried not to adopt a puppy (well, the puppy part was just me, it's a real struggle guys). about our second lap around the market, i stopped and just had to make sure they really knew i was completely down to go get a new tattoo. one of my friends, was on board, the others were there to support us and cheer us on. we both went, got cash out, and walked into that tattoo parlor (knight time in fayetteville) absolutely stoked and prepared to get poked. we wanted to get 'seventy times seven' on us, in different ways of course, mine in roman numerals, and her's in my handwriting. since we went to the same place as i went last time, i has already started to build a relationship with buzz, the coolest tattooist around. pause, buzz (justin), is twenty five, completely covered in tattoos (even some on his head and face, eyelids too!), he's been shot a couple times, stabbed, in jail, he's tattooed a horse to help save it's life, he doesn't like the traditional church and how they don't appear to use all their money to help others, he's open to the idea of jesus and who he is. the previous tattoo i got to talk with him about   the church i'm going to plant in colorado, how it's about people. we're all flawed, but jesus came to give us hope and cover us in grace. okay, time in. so we walk in, he remembers me as "that girl who's churching it up in colorado", i introduce my friend and tell her she's helping plant the church too. we small talk a bit, learn more about him. talked to the guy in the front too, (he's been backpacking in europe but got kicked out because his visa expired.) i decided not to mention anything about "church" unless buzz asked. we keep chatting, laughing, investing. my tattoo is complete (praise, because this one hurt), i get up to leave and i say that i will more than likely be back soon, and buzz's response was, "hey, please do. don't forget to come back before you move to colorado, i really do want some information about the church you're planting". i responded with a big smile and an "of course buzz!" then walked out grinning from ear to ear. 

this is ministry. i'm not saying the whole tattoo thing is, but ministry is all about building relationships with people. all kinds of people. we can't expect lost and hurting folks to just waltz into church, we have to meet them where they are. i just happened to want a tattoo, and it was a perfect opportunity for me to talk about jesus soley based on what i was getting inked (hallelujah and LXX•VII). constantly have your eyes open to how you can be on mission to share what jesus has done in your life, and how freakin' good he is. let your actions and your words express your faith. 

as for the tattoo itself, it's something god is for real teaching me right now. i thought i knew what it meant to forgive. i was wrong. i remember asking god a few months ago to show me there areas i was lacking and to reteach me those things i had fallen comfortable with. folks, if you ask, you shall receive. it was difficult. i wasn't actually expecting him to show me all those flaws and habitual actions. geez, that was a little much. yet i'm incredibly thankful he did. i've never been stretched so much in my life. i've never been given more opportunities to forgive. to cover someone in love and grace, not based off my own strength, but the strength i draw from god. it's been an extremely trying season of life, but the most rewarding one by far. i'm thankful for that.  

AGAPE

“above all keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 peter 4:8

the word earnestly in this verse can be interchanged with ‘intently’ or ‘fervently’, which means eagerly and passionately. we are suppose to love others in this very way. 

a clean slate. 

we all could use a clean slate, a do over, all of our spots washed away. good news, jesus did that for us, on the cross. he died for us to be made clean, a new creation. that is the best news i’ve ever believed to be true, i want everyone to know what jesus has done for us. part of me wanting every single person to know this good news, is to live a live full of actions that are christ centered, and pleasing to him. which is hard. i’m learning. i’m not the best, but i’m learning. i know that god has called us to love others just as he loves us. unconditionally, undeservedly, and never ending. 

this kind of love is based on actions, not words. agape love is selfless love. what i’ve come to learn lately is that you have to pour out grace on people and forgive in order to truly love selflessly. not everyone will accept it, that’s not the point. we must learn to humble ourselves, set our pride aside, and wipe the slate clean with people that we have ill feelings towards. that means, forgive them whole heartedly, for everything they have ever done to wrong you. forgive them for the past, and forgive them as you move forward in the future. wiping the slate clean means that you no longer bring up that thing they did 2 months ago to make you mad, or that one time they left you out last summer, the slate is clean. pure. white. 

to walk in christ’s foot steps, in my humble opinion, is to love people the way he loves us. this means, share the good news with them, love them through the muck of life, forgive them and continuously wipe the slate clean, and encourage them, build them up. 

it’s definitely the hardest lesson that i’m still continuing to learn. 

INK'D

august 1st. 

i got my very first tattoo. 

now i'm all for meaningful tattoos, and i'm also a fan of the ones you get just because they look cool, 

but, this one, this one means so much to me. 

the word and the placement.

hallelujah can be defined as: god be praised (uttered in worship or as an expression of rejoicing),

i chose to place the word 'hallelujah' on my left forearm just above 37 scars. 

reminding me daily to rejoice in being free from the bondage of self harm. 

this was not my doing, but god's. to him be the highest praise from my lips. 

this is the start to a beautiful collection of ink. 

i hope to have a half sleeve as soon as possible, full of meaningful ink and ink that just looks cool. 

but for now, i'm delighting in my simple, yet profound first tattoo. 

hallelujah. 

THE FOLKS CAME TO VISIT

my dearest family came to visit me in lil ole arkansas this weekend

here are a few photos from our journey to crystal bridges art museum: 

⟼the outside of the museum (freakin' gorgeous) 

⟼one of the hallways in between exhibits 

⟼my dad being a live art piece 

⟼me taking a turn 

⟼ally, chloe (my sister), and myself acting goofy 

⟼my lovely folks whom i love dearly

beyond thankful that my family drove from texas to visit 

BONFIRE

bonfire at my friends house, what a great night

i haven't forgotten about blogging, just the opposite has happened really. each day i don't blog it's usually because i'm busy working OR it's because my mind is racing through it's dreams way to fast and my hands can't type out the words fast enough. the second is most common. i'm working hard on some blog posts and a little poetry mixed in. life will slow down a bit soon and i'll get back to posting on a routined basis.  

SUN DAPPLED

fifty miles, that’s all it took for a moment to form. 

last night i got to shoot vbx at our campus in neosho, missouri (about 50 miles from our springdale, arkansas campus). i set out on the road at about 4:45 to make sure i’d be there by 6:15. as i began to drove up highway 49, i put my headphones in and put set a fire by will reagan on repeat. the drive there was good, i was busy watching the gps trying to figure out how to get there. now the drive back, that's when it became a magical.

it was roughly 70 degrees, dusk, my windows were down and the perfect playlist coming through my headphones. on the drive back i knew where i was going, i didn’t need to constantly look at my phone for directions, thus freeing up my attention to look at the road first and foremost, but the beauty that was lining the road as well. i had never seen this part of arkansas/missouri before, and i was left in awe. in fact, it was so beautiful to me, that i pulled over, turned my hazards on, and broke out the camera. i didn’t want to forget this moment, i didn’t want to forget how i felt. my thoughts had been put on pause, and i was present. i wasn’t in the past, nor future, but fully immersed in that moment. 

this may not mean much to a lot of folks, but i live for these moments. so i thought i’d share it with you. for you to enjoy, and for you to be able to enjoy these moments when they happen to you.   

RAINY DAYS

picture this: a quaint cabin nestled into the thick of the forest. the living room has the couch you found on the side of the road back in college, a large window right in the center of the outside wall, a record player spinning your favorite album, and a coffee table to rest your feet on. you’re sitting on the couch bundled up in your favorite pair of pajama pants, sweatshirt, cozy socks, and your favorite blanket. next to you on the table is a fresh cup of coffee, a candle that smells like memories, and a book. any book, but make sure it’s one that you enjoy. as you open your book and begin, you notice that the light is getting dimmer, clouds begin to cover the sun. you continue reading. soon after, the sound of rain begins to lightly tap the window slowly transforming into the perfect rain storm. the aroma of coffee, candles, and rain, the light pouring into your humble abode, the music beautifully colliding with the aroma. all creating a perfect moment. 

i’ve always been a fan of rain. i thoroughly enjoy the way it makes me feel. cozy. for me, rain brings moments. i live for the moments in life where the temperature is right, the elements match, the right song is playing and you feel. you feel everything. good or bad. rain is made to create beautiful moments.

it’s raining here in arkansas, more of a drizzle really, rain nonetheless. i’m working today, so i don’t have the luxury of sitting at home on my couch and snuggling up. quickly, i opened the blinds in my office, switched the lights of, turned a lamp on and sat. it put me in the mood to write, to dream, to wander. so here i am, at my ‘desk’, next to the window, local natives blaring through my headphones, writing.  

LIFE IS HARD

“...it’s not just a walk in the park.” that statement couldn’t be more true in my season of life right now. 

i don’t want to paint a picture like i have my life under control or that i have it all figured out. that couldn’t be further from the truth. life is hard right now. i’m learning how to live on my own, i’m missing my family, i’m having serious friendship issues, my thoughts aren’t my most favorite place to be, and i’m hardcore stressing about my future. which are all things that i can’t control, thus it is intensely stretching + testing my faith. the plan that i thought was set in place by god, has changed and it’s taking some time for me  to come to terms with that and processing the changes that are about to happen. 

living almost 300 miles away from my parents is becoming increasingly difficult. i’m an extremely independent person, so when i was living at home, i never really thought i needed hugs or cuddles from my family (also i was not the most touchy person, but that has definitely changed). now that i don’t have the opportunity to crawl into my mom’s lap and just cry or fall into my dad’s embrace, i miss it more than i can articulate. the transition to living on your own is hard. the transition to living on your own in a different state is even harder. i know that i’m not in arkansas by accident, i know that this is apart of the calling god has placed on my life. knowing that makes it a little easier to be away from my family because i trust that this hardship isn’t for nothing. 

my best, closest, realest friend is moving across the states to go to a university. to pursue an education in writing and worship ministry. i couldn’t be more proud of her and her obedience to god. she is going into the unknown, but she isn’t letting fear keep her from walking in his will. yet, i’m so incredibly sad that my best chum is not going to be around physically. that’s weighing heavy on my heart. she’s my comfort zone, my security blanket. 

i’ve always struggled with self esteem issues. i’m my harshest critic. there is nothing that you can say to me, that i probably haven’t said to myself. i go through seasons where its a more predominate issue in my life, this is one of those times. usually when it seems like all other things in my life are going astray, my ‘self issues’ rise and intensify. which pretty much sucks on all levels because that’s the last thing i need during that time. i can honestly say i’m working on loving my self exactly the way christ loves me. i fill my mind with scripture reminding me that i’m his beloved daughter and i was divinely made. self esteem, depression, and anxiety will always be something i struggle with and the temptations that come along with it. but god, is restoring my image of myself daily. i will rely on him for support and guidance and comfort. that’s all i can do. 

i’m moving in less than a year to colorado. that’s scary. it feels like i just got settled in from the move to arkansas. i’m scared of the unknown. regarding where i’ll live, my role in the church plant, meeting people, if i’ll be good enough. but my excitement and passion about winning hearts to christ is outweighing that fear. i know without a doubt that god has me in his hand and he is calling me to colorado for a reason.i am not good enough, but through christ’s blood and his righteousness that cover me, he says through me you are good enough and i’ve chosen you to do this. it leaves me in awe when i think about it. i am placing my faith in that plan and that calling. 

i haven’t quite grasped how i’m actually making it through because i know my flesh would rather just throw in the towel. but god keeps picking me up and reassuring me, “child, i have you.” and that’s the promise that is keeping me going. i’m learning how to place all of my faith in jesus and his promise in romans 8:37-39, “no in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. for i am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of god in christ jesus.” and romans 8:26-28, “likewise the spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the spirit himself intercedes for us and with groanings too deep for words. and he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the spirit, because the spirit interceded for the saints according the will of god. and we know that for those who love god all things work together for good, for those are called according to his purpose.” 

i wanted to share all this with you not so you’ll have pity on me, or feel sorry for me, but to show you that it’s okay to be honest and admit when life is hard. you don’t need to hide behind the image of perfection you’ve made on social media or in person. we all struggle. we all sin. we all go through hard seasons where you feel absolutely exhausted. i’m there now. i don’t want to hide that, i want to admit that and have people encourage me and stand with me in prayer. that’s what you need. people to point you to the word, pray for your heart, pray for anything, to listen to you, to check on you, to just be with you. that’s what being a family in christ means.  

THINGS I'VE LEARNED SINCE MOVING OUT

i rent out the studio apartment above the garage. beautiful home and beautiful family who owns it!

rent is due every month, you have to pay it. 

groceries don’t just reappear.

spring cleaning should happen more than once a year. 

make your bed up each morning it won’t kill you. 

find family around you. 

don’t oversleep. 

don’t stay out all night every night. 

take trips. 

you actually do need an iron. 

invest in movies.

don’t buy cable. 

make a budget and actually stick to it. 

dishwashers are a good thing. 

take time to be alone, time to regroup. 

take time to be with your closest friends. 

take time to breathe. 

you don’t need to buy a latte everyday, your coffee maker will suffice. 

never own more things than can fit in your car. 

go out in nature at least once a week, appreciate it. your office will be there tomorrow. 

eating out all the time is both unhealthy and harsh on your budget. so stop. 

you can never have too much toilet paper or paper towels.  

these are just a few things, i know that i'll continue learning and i'll be sure to share it with you. 

HAMMONTREE'S

friends and food. this summer I am interning at cross church in arkansas in the media department filming and editing videos! lunch is always a big deal here between my fellow coworkers, around eleven o'clock you begin to have people circulating around the offices asking what you're doing for lunch. most of the time my answer is, "nothing, what are we doing?" and then the respond, "hold on, let me keep asking." we are always going to different places, trying different foods. the group is always different and the group is always down for awesome conversations. 

today the group that went was the girl interns: kayleigh, alexandra, melissa, and myself. we set out down the road towards downtown fayetteville, our first thought was to stop at the food truck court. we got there and realized that most of them were closed and it was a bit toasty out to sit down and eat. so we all got back in my car and drove to the heart of downtown and settled on hammontree's. it's a gourmet grilled cheese place that also has amazing sweet potato fries! 

i love the company i'm in this summer and i'm beyond grateful that god has divinely placed these people around me. i'm learning so much from them, they are definitely pouring into my heart wether they realize it or not!  

THE 'L' WORD

source: 31.media.tumblr.com

growing up society has taught us that love is something based out of emotion and actions. often love is based out of lust for a person or strong emotional connections formed from a moment. we are told that when we love someone it comes naturally and that it’s fate. the world says that loving someone is enough and that it’s what binds you to a person. 

i just can’t buy into that definition of love because i see the perfect demonstration of true love everyday by Christ. the world says love first then your actions will follow and you’ll choose that person. God says, I chose you therefore I love you and I will continue to love you. He displays a love that is unconditional, full of grace, full of truth, full of protection. i think that kind of love is hard. but it’s the love that is deeper than lust, it’s deeper than a moment. it’s the kind of love that says I will choose you every day of my life, and since i choose you, i will love you with grace, unconditional love, truth, and protection. i will do my humanly best to walk with you in life even when you’re not lovable, even when you are acting out of your flesh, even when i may not feel loving emotions towards you. that’s the world’s definition creeping back in. 

when you marry someone you are choosing them forever. people aren’t perfect. people’s emotions change daily, that’s why you don’t love out your emotions. you love out of you actions. pray for a heart that loves someone out of christ’s exhibit of love, that your mind and your heart will no longer act out of the world’s definition.

 if you’re struggling in a committed relationship with love, pray that God restores you with a sense of urgency to choose that person and passionately demonstrate christ’s love to them. pray that you’re spouse/fiancé’s heart is also changed radically and open to your new found definition of love and that they too have the urgency to love you the way christ loves them. 

JUNE+BEGINNING OF JULY

⟼june 14: a surprise birthday party is all my friends at my favorite restaurant (i cried)

⟼june 15: i turned another year older and celebrated at the lake (also father's day)

⟼june 22-27: beach camp // was behind the lens of a camera or a computer screen editing the whole time except when i was at the beach relaxing and watching god radically change the lives of the high schoolers that were there // 8 charter buses, 17 hour drive, 500 kids, 45 dedications, 50+ baptisms, 19 surrenders to full time ministry 

⟼june 29: fireworks at the crosses // 99 baptisms, 10,000+ people in attendance // also my beautiful mother's birthday 

⟼july 3-5: vacation to texas to visit my family, i brought several friends and on our way back to arkansas we stopped in denton and explored that cute little city // 5 people packed in my lil subaru 

WINTER STORM

a couple of snapshots from the 5 days of texas's "winter storm". in the midst of it i had to study for finals. i adore winter and all that it brings. it only makes me that much more joyous to move to colorado! 

A NEW SEASON

I've always been told, "Don't wish away your childhood!" or "Don't try and grow up too fast, adulthood will be here before you know it!". Over these past few months, I've realized that all those people were right.

When you're young, everyone tells you just how challenging life can get when you graduate high school. College payments, jobs, studying, careers, bills, "real life" situations. But they forget to mention the extent of how incredible it is to have the freedom, the responsibilities, the options, the joy that comes with "real life" situations.

But growing up does come with tests. A test can be defined as: an event or situation that reveals the strength of someone by putting them under strain. I don't know about you, but I really like to ace any test I take. Yet somehow, life tests are extremely different compared to your standard academic tests. Academics can be studied and memorized. Life tests just aren't like that. (I'm sure glad it's not, how boring would that be?)

Life tests are going to happen, there is no way around that. Yet, it's not about the test itself, it's about how you handle it, and how you grow through it. When you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted, stop and pray. Know that God has His hand in everything! GOD WILL NEVER GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU CAN'T HANDLE OR AREN'T READY FOR!! Did you read that carefully? Really understand that. Everything you're facing right now, every trial, tribulation, temptation, God knows about it. He's right there waiting for you to call upon Him and ask for help, because you cannot do life on your own. God is all powerful, all knowing, all righteous, all Holy, everything you could possibly need and then some. So why not ask for His help? It would bring Him the upmost joy. Just like a son/daughter asking their parent for help. We are God's children. He doesn't want to see us suffer, He wants to see us overcome and stand stronger on the other side.

Now in my transition to (sorta) adulthood, I've really learned to solely rely on God for the answers. He has the answer to my job. He has the means for my payments. He has the strength I need to carry on. But it starts with simply saying, "God, I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what I'm doing. This is all new. Lord, guide me in the direction you want me to be going. I trust in you! You are so good and you love me beyond words!".

My advice this week is to let go, and let God. To surrender it all to Him. You can't do life on your own. (Nor would you want to) Delight in His grace and unconditional Love. Also, since you're human, if you mess up, God will be there to help you up, dust you off, and love you. Trust in Him, and let Him be your anchor.

If you have any prayer request, I would love to pray for you! Leave it in the comments or email me.

Side Note: Here are some snap shots of a few views I've had this past week. First photo, my geology class. Second photo, my pinterest study break at starbucks. And the third photo, a breakfast date at whataburger with my dad.

MEANING OF LIFE

i've been reading Jesus is by judah smith, right now i'm on chapter eight and it's got my heart passionate about a few things.

what exactly is life all about? are we here to acquire the most money? fame? friends? what is our purpose of living on this planet? i believe that we are here for an eternal purpose, not to fix our eyes and passions on temporary measures. genesis 1:27 says that we were created by God in His own image. that's crazy! we were created by the maker of the universe and He decided to make us in His image? we can't just dismiss that! we are also heirs to the thrown, we are sons and daughters to the King! i don't know about you but that just baffles me and leaves me in awe, my little brain can't quite wrap itself around how magnificent and might God is!

so that being said, why are we here? what are we suppose to be on this planet? matthew 28:16-20 (ESV) says it quite nicely, "18 And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." we are here to win souls over for Christ, to add to the number in Heaven, to not let Satan dominate the minds of the children of God, to spread hope, grace and love found only in Him. to give people the good news of the one who loves them so much He died a painful and sacrficial death so that they would be free.

i give my plans, my life, my everything to God's mission for us. to see all His people return back to Him. i have to let people know about this agape love He has for us. it's indescribable!